Tag Archives: self realizations

Be a Bawse

Last week a book I pre-ordered last July arrived. It’s called How to Be a Bawse: A Guide to Conquering Life. It’s by a YouTube personality that goes by Superwoman, but her real name is Lilly Singh. I happen to stumble upon her videos three years ago and ever since then I’ve followed her on a majority of social media. When I heard that she was writing a book last summer I originally thought she’d be writing an autobiography & when the title of the book was released I thought it was an interesting title for an autobiography.

Last week when the book arrived I dove right in and I wasn’t expecting to be hit with such thought-provoking quotes and advice.  Thrown in between a few chapters there were segments titled Out of the Blue. On the left side Lilly wrote about a time when her depression was affecting her life with a blue background while on the right side on a vibrant yellow background was a more recent time how she flipped the way she was feeling in a more recent year. As she says in the book depression doesn’t go away. You don’t magically wake up one morning all bright and happy and think, ‘my depression is gone! It will never bother me again!’ I wish it did work that way, but she’s right. I’ve had bouts of it since 2007. Not quite as severe but I knew what was happening again and yet I couldn’t stop it. And the even scarier part was I wasn’t caring that it was happening again.

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Fall of 2007 was a defining moment for me.  There are days when I’m feeling down but then I take a moment to look back at that moment and I look at how far I’ve come.  It wasn’t easy but I rose from a very low point and I dusted myself off and set out to prove my worst enemy (myself) wrong.

There were other moments in this book that made me stop and do a little self-reflection. When I finished this book I went back and jotted down the side quotes that left an impact on me personally. What I’m going to do with these notes I’m not sure yet but what I do know is I want to put them somewhere I can read them everyday. Almost like a way to start my day on a positive note and be motivated for the day.

And if you’re asking yourself if you’re a Bawse my suggestion is read the book and find out.

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Insight

Today I’m going to dig a little deeper and let you, my readers, learn a little more about me. You already know that I’m a teacher, a bookworm, am super close to my family, and that I have a tattoo. What else is there to learn about me? I have walls but I think it’s time to let a few of those walls down.

  • I’m an overachiever. There. I said it. I was always the type of person who wanted to do well in school. But then college happened. I stayed on top of my studies my freshman semester at Marshall and West Liberty. Then one morning in August 2007 I woke up and was sad. I didn’t know why and the more I tried to fight it the sadder I felt. When I started the fall semester at West Liberty I made it through the first week but that sadness was still there. By week 3 I was sleeping a lot more and skipping my 9AM science class. I knew that I was hurting my grade by doing this but I didn’t care. Eventually I was only going to two of my classes and by midterms my grades were ‘Incomplete’ in 3 of my 5 classes. By the end of the semester by GPA was a 0.52.  My depression set me back an entire semester and something inside me snapped. When the spring semester began I hit the ground running. I tried so hard to make up for the previous semester. In May of 2008 I made the Dean’s List with a GPA of 3.8. Every semester I put a lot of pressure on myself to continue the high GPA because I did not want to repeat the Fall 2007 semester. It’s been almost ten years since that semester but I still don’t know what triggered my depression. What I do know is that chapter shaped me into the overachiever I am today. A part of me doesn’t know if I should be proud of that or not.
  • I’m adopted. I was born in San Salvador, El Salvador & one day before my 1st birthday I arrived in WV. My parents have always been supportive and awesome. However, other family members haven’t been. There have been times at family gatherings such as birthdays or reunions that I didn’t feel like I was part of the family. With the exception of one of my cousins they always made it a point to remind me that I was adopted. I don’t let them know that it bothers me because I’m the type of person who lets things slide off of my shoulders. Now that we’re all older they don’t understand why I don’t make the effort to see them when they’re in. If I did explain why I don’t think they’d understand.
  • My work and church families make up for the lack of family love and support from my cousins and other family members. They are so supportive that it always surprises me. Last March my mom had gallbladder surgery Throughout the day my co-workers checked in to see how the surgery was going and how it went. My church family did the same. When I did my first half marathon last May my co-workers threw a small surprise good luck party the day before the race. When Pap passed away last August I was at work when I found out. My co-workers surrounded me with love and solace. Two teachers came in to watch my kids for a few minutes so I could have a minute to fall apart and process the news.
  • I struggle with self confidence. Part of it stems from my surgery that I had when I was a baby. From that surgery I have two scars. One on my right side that extends up into my back and the other is right above my navel. These scars are the reason why I don’t wear low cut dresses or why I’ll never wear a bikini. But I did decide to do something a week ago that I’m excited about and will definitely boost self positivity.

Three of these four insights are something that I don’t share very often with people. But today I thought it was time to let more people see me for me. Maybe letting the walls down isn’t a bad thing.

 

Sunday Lately #108

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Sunday Lately is a weekly linkup hosted by the Blogger Tribe, which is led by Katy McKinley (Wild and Wanderful) and Angelica (Gardening in High Heels). We e-hangout every Sunday, sharing small glimpses into the past week of life in our own worlds. We’d love if you could join us! This week’s themes: Searching, Relying, Addressing, Praising, & Singing.

We’re back to Sunday again and this week was long. I think it was a long week for a lot of people for different reasons.

Searching: This week I found myself searching for a place to land. My urge to travel is slowly turning more into it’s time to move out & on. Where? That’s the hard part. I know I want out of my current city. I’m thinking Virginia or maybe North Carolina. Whatever my decision is I need/want to make it before the start of the ’17/’18 school year. To quote Belle, “I want adventure in the great wide somewhere.” Yes, it will be scary to move to a different city where I’ll know no one but if I don’t go then I’ll probably never do it.

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Relying: This past week I’ve been relying on orange juice to keep me energized. The doctor knows it’s not my B12, low iron levels, or thyroid. But it has to be something that is making me feel fatigued by 1PM every day. When I drink a glass of orange juice by lunch my energy levels stay perfectly normal. I think maybe it’s stress related.

Addressing: Up to this point I’ve stayed relatively quiet about the political world. But that was before Betsy DeVos & her hearing before the committee. Like many people who’ve watched her hearing I was left shocked with her responses, or lack thereof. I’m an educator. I take pride in my kids and I don’t view my job as a job. I get up every morning energized and excited to see my kids. But my job is far more than “taking care of kids” as several people like to assume. When I was interviewed for my job if my replies were anything like Mrs. DeVos I wouldn’t have a job. When you look at her interview she had no idea that IDEA was a federal law, when questioned about guns and their place in schools she stated that we do need guns in schools because of bears (yes, I’m not making this up), and when asked if all schools who receive federal funding (whether traditional public, public charter or private schools) should be held to the same accountability all she could reply with was, “I support accountability.” That’s not an answer. By repeating that answer over and over again is merely dodging the question. As a teacher I’ve had my students try this tactic on my several times. When I press and ask them if they even understand what I’m asking 99% of the time the answer is no. I then take the time to clarify and rephrase the question. She could’ve easily done this, but she didn’t. She never fully answered anyone’s questions. This is not someone who is qualified for this job, but the question remains whether or not she will be confirmed for this position. I sincerely hope she is not.

Praising: The existence of the Blogger Tribe. I never realized how therapeutic it is to sit down once a week & write/type out the past week’s events. But today during church my preacher mentioned during the sermon that church is one hour out of our week that is full of reflection & gratitude. We, as a congregation, should view church as not only this but a time that is much needed (whether we realize it at the time or not) & appreciated. When I heard that something clicked and I not only view Sunday Services this way, but this group in the same light. I look forward to the Sunday Lately postings. I’ve only been a part of this group for a month now but I cannot fathom a week without it now. You are all awesome & inspire me. For that I thank you.

Singing:   I’ve been in an 80’s mood lately. Three songs have been on repeat.

  1. There Is A Light That Never Goes Out-The Smiths
  2. Everybody Wants to Rule the World-Tears for Fears
  3. All Through the Night-Cyndi Lauper

I think I have the documentary series The Eighties to blame for this recent mood. And if you want to re-live that decade or the 60’s & 70’s check it out on Netflix.

One final thing: to start your week on a positive note enjoy this picture of my little ball of fluff, Daisy Belle, enjoying a car ride to the local pond to see her “live squeaky toys.”

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Sunday Lately is a weekly linkup presented by the Blogger Tribe.Next week’s themes: Writing, Quitting, Fixing, Celebrating, Updating.

Sunday Lately with Blogger Tribe

AMRAP’s are my new BFF

Today was a very long day. However I did get my workout in. But let me rewind back to Monday when my workout & new diet began.

Monday started off well. By 10 AM I had already had two glasses of water and my mid-morning snack was a nice cup of yogurt with a small helping of granola on top. My lunch was sensible, but I didn’t have dinner because the dentist appointment I had was exhausting & I really didn’t feel like eating. The workout for Monday was my Zumba class. The instructor made it a high cardio class to welcome us into the new year. My legs hated me the next day.

Tuesday I kept up with my water intake pretty well. To change it up a little I added one drop of my lemon EO. I did have to skip my mid-morning snack due to the fact that I had to go see my doctor. That appointment took awhile and tomorrow morning I get to have a blood test and an ultrasound to check my thyroid. Something has been off for the past year to where my energy level is zapped by 1PM every day. I’m hoping that all of this will be solved soon.My workout for the day was Zumba again, but we did more Latin songs and dance moves than the previous night. But enough about that. Today is where there was a breakthrough for me.

Tonight was the first test for me. Wednesdays are the one night of the week I don’t have a class at the gym.  This morning I was unsure of what exactly I was going to do at the gym tonight. I didn’t want to do machine after machine. I was frustrated and needed to work it off. I knew it was going to be a cardio workout but I wanted to focus on my legs and core. I came up with this:

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I did a 2 minute warm up on the treadmill. After that I turned on my music, hit shuffle, and let the music blast in my ears. 25 minutes later I had finished and I was very sweaty & felt AMAZING. In the middle of doing one of many sets of sumo squats I looked in the mirror and it dawned on me that I can do this.  I know what areas need worked on, which exercises are the most effective, and I know how to push myself to get the most out of my workouts. I think Wednesdays are going to be my new favorite day. I won’t do an AMRAP every single time. Next week I think I’ll do a circuit workout & include weights this time.  So far I’m enjoying where this journey is taking me. 

Cheers til Friday!